On Tour With The Team

Today at work, gaffer came into the changing room after we'd done training and done changing and told me and the lads from my team that we should have packed already and that we had to get on the team bus because we were going on tour. He had told us last week that next week we were going on tour. It was now this week so I had packed my bags ready to go on tour this week.

I like to go on tour because gaffer always picks teams from different places for us to play football. I don't like going on tour sometimes because it means that I have to sleep in a room that isn't mine. That means that I can't watch my 80 inch plasma telly that I've got in my room next to my pinball machine, my pool table and my 70 inch LCD telly. I like watching plasma telly because all the things are shown in plasma. Plasma is boss because everything on plasma is loads bigger than LCD. In the hotel rooms, they still have telly but it's not plasma telly. It's usually Ferguson or Tatung.

When we go on tour it means that Roxy and the girls aren't there. Roxy is dead good in the morning because she goes downstairs, puts the kettle on and asks the cleaner to make me a mug of orange juice.

This year we are going to abroad on tour to play a team that isn't easy to say. They speak a different abroad language there called 'The Lingo'. A couple of the lads said that they can speak 'The Lingo', but I can't. Sometimes different languages are easy to do. You just have to speak them slower than your at home language, as well as a bit louder.

Normally the teams that we play are rubbisher than we are and we stick more balls in the back of the net than I can count on one hands. I like to weigh in with a couple too, so that gaffer's made up with me.

Hopefully they'll have computers in the part of the abroad that we're going to so that I can tell you how I'm getting on with 'The Lingo'. I'll ring Roxy from my dead boss mobile phone and speak to my girls and read them a story with my free minutes. I love free minutes because it's time that doesn't happen in the world. When you get your bill it just says 'free time' and I think in my brain that I should do another thing at the same time as I'm talking to one of my mates or Roxy or the girls, so that I make the most of it. Most of the time I'm just watching my plasma telly.

See you when I get back.