England Captain

The new England Italy boss has decided to make Nigel Rio Ferdinand the new England Captain of England Italy and I think it's a dead boss decision. Nigel's a dead boss bad boy wrapper at wrapping stuff. All the kids are wannabe wrappers these days, so he's gonna be a dead boss role modeler for all the kids. That's what you need from an England Captain I think. Past England Captains have been not as a good role modelers. For instance, Bobby Moore was a good player and that, but apparently he tried to rob some jewels from abroad. I understand that they didn't earn as much in them days - about £50 a week and that, but it's no reason to be a great train robberer. How did they live in them days? I couldn't live on £50 a week. You would have had to catch the bus everywhere and not be able to go clubbing and chat up birds and that.

Peter Shilton was also an England Captain and he liked to do gambling all the time. He was only a small man, so they often do that kind of thing because they want to be horse jockeys and that.

Anyway, Nigel Rio Ferdinand's only crime is that he likes chatting up birds and merking them and filming it. Who doesn't love a Romeo? I like Alfa Romeos. Romeo Andjuliet was a good Romeo. He was dead romantic at poetry and that and all he wanted to do was chat up a bird and take her up the balcony. That's what Nigel's trying to do - be a modern day Romeo Andjuliet - good luck to him, that's what I say.

This is my message to Nigel Rio Ferdinand - keep on wrapping, keep on merking the birds and keep on doing your football. Hopefully you'll be the next Bobby Moore and lift the World's Cup, but not be a great train robberer.