On The Score Sheet

This week was boss for me. Not only did I appear on Youtube plasma telly, but I also managed to get on the end of a cross and knock a goal in the back of the net and score a goal in the Carling Cup. We didn't play a boss Premier League team, but it was still good to score one any way. For a striker it's all about confidence and I haven't been feeling dead, dead confident lately. It isn't my fault, it's just that gaffer needs to keep sticking me in the team to build my confidence. My agent, Greg, said that if I was offered more money in a new contract, then this would also make me play better.

I just like to concentrate on my football and let Greg sort that sort of thing out. I don't care if I earn £20,000 a week or £120,000 a week, it's all the same to me. Roxy likes to think that I'm earning good money to look after her and the girls. I'm not that good at money counting and that, so I let her look after that side of things. It's amazing how much stuff costs these days. Haircuts and nails have gone up loads since last year. Whenever Roxy goes to get her hair and nails done every day, she always comes back looking classy, so I don't mind paying that bit extra for her.

It's bad news that Becks is out of the England qualifiers for Euro96 2008, but it's the business news for me. It means that there's a spare spot in the squad for someone. Hopefully, Greg can get me the spot so that I can prove to everyone that I can cut it at international level and maybe shoot us to qualify for Australia and Swaziland next year. I'll try and show them even further by knocking one in at the far post tomorrow, or the near post. I don't mind really, just as long as I knock one in.

In Clear Plasma

As I told you last week, I was fortunate enough to be followed around by a Plasma telly crew as they filmed my life, in what is a new series, called DPTV Cribs.

It was an honour to be filmed in Plasma, as it has always been my dream to be on Plasma in my own living room. It is now up and running and you can watch it here

I hope that you enjoy finding out what it's like to be a footballer and that it may inspire you too.

On The Pull

On Saturday I managed to unpull my hamstring after I had pulled it during training on Thursday. I don't like pulling my hamstring because it means that it hurts you.

Because I had managed to unpull my hamstring, gaffer said that I was fit to start on the bench, which means substitute again. It is frustrating being a substitute because you don't get to play a full game. I just spent the time on the bench trying to get comfy and keep warm. I managed to keep warm by putting on a hat to cover my head, by wearing an all-in-one tracksuit (a onesy) and by putting gloves on. It also helped to keep me warm by being sunny and 28 degrees.

My onesy is boss because it zips right up the middle and down your legs so that you don't have to put two items of clothing on, which means I have more time to warm the bench. I like to do training and a warm ups when I'm a substitute. I do star jumps, squats, lunges and running very fast on the spot. I try and spot Roxy in the stand or some of my mates from back home. Sometimes Roxy doesn't come to the games because she's got a lot on, or we're playing in the north somewhere that doesn't have any boutiques and that.

We're doing good in the league and we're on spot for a place in Europe for next season. We've also got a Carling cup game against a small team from somewhere in the middle of the country. Gaffer says that all smaller teams are full of cloggers who are only out to ruin top flight players who play football in the top flight. He says that I'm starting from the beginning on Wednesday against the small team from somewhere in the middle of the country.

Media Star

Today in training I couldn't do training because coach said that I had a pulled hamstring. It was hard to watch the lads doing training because I like to get out there and throw myself into tackles and get stuck in. Instead I just looked at my new watch that I'd bought. It's a Breitling watch and it tells the time dead well, better than my old Casio, although I did like that one because it had 32 melodies and it told me what time it is in Sydney. It was dead clever because in Sydney it's tomorrow already and my watch still knew what time it was even though it's not today anymore over there.

I did an interview for a music channel when I wasn't training and they filmed me in Plasma and it's going to be shown on my boss Plasma telly when they've finished with it - you know, doing filming and that. I had to show them round my dead boss house and show them that I'm still in touch with my roots and still live a normal life. I love my still normal life because I still do the same things that I've always done. I still visit my friends who still live in my old street and I take them things to give them like my old tracksuits and football boots and my Nintendo 64 that I don't use anymore. I don't use my Nintendo 64 anymore because it's broken and doesn't work on Plasma. My old street doesn't have Plasma yet.

In my film that I did today I had a few mishaps and stuff, but I just concentrated and didn't do the mishaps anymore.

Hopefully by tomorrow and match day, my hamstring will be unpulled and I can get a full 90 minutes in and help the lads bag 3 points.

Warming The Bench

This weekend, instead of playing my football and just concentrating on my football, gaffer asked me to warm the bench. For any non footballer fans reading this, it means that you are going to come on in the second half and inject some fresh legs into the game instead of starting in the first half and getting straight into the game.

Because I hadn't scored yet, gaffer wanted to have a look at someone else in my position to see if they could offer him an alternative. I am an 'out and out' striker, which means that I'm a striker who gets out and out around the six yard box. Gaffer brought a new player into the team who is more of a 2nd striker and spearheads the attack. He did well and managed to knock a goal into the back of the net. I was made up for him that he'd done it, but wished it had been me, as knocking goals into the back of the net to put us a goal up is one of the things that I like doing the most. I came on in the 2nd half and injected some fresh legs into the game and managed not to score, but we still won the game by a couple of goals. This meant that I got a boss win bonus, but not my goalscoring bonus, because I didn't score a goal and this is the only time I'll get my goalscoring bonus.

This week in football, it has been fantastic for defenders in English football, because the England squad has been announced, for a friendly game against Germany. Because Jamie Carragher has decided that he doesn't like playing England friendlies, lots of defenders have the chance to get stuck in and do last ditch challenges. Unfortunately, others have also decided that they don't like doing friendlies so Steve McClaren will have to draft in some makeshift defenders to plug the gaps to do last ditch tackles and get stuck in.

I wasn't called into the England squad this time and I didn't get in the U21s either. It's probably because I don't do defender when I play my football and concentrate on my football and also because I'm over 21s.

We don't have a game until next weekend, so I'll be doing lots of training this week and getting recovered and getting my head down to force myself into the starting line up. I'll also be spending time with Roxy and the girls.

A Midweek Affair

This week there have been lots of stories in the news about footballers and the things that footballers do in their lives. I am a footballer, but the news hasn't reported what I have been doing this week. I like to stay out of the news because when I'm in the news I have to read about myself, which is a waste of time because I know all about myself anyway.

This week Wayne Rooney has been injured with a broken bone injury in his foot. He is like me in many ways in the fact that we are both from my home in Liverpool, although he doesn't live in my home, because that's where I live. He is also a striker who likes to get on the end of crosses and stick the ball in the back of the net and score a goal in the back of the net. This is the bossest thing ever because it means that you've scored a goal. When you score a goal in the back of the net it usually means that you get the winner. Sometimes it means that you get an equalizer and sometimes it means that you pull one back or get a consolation. I don't like getting consolation goals in the back of the net because you don't get a win bonus from gaffer.

I have broken a bone before. It was really painful and I felt terrible and worried and had my head in my hands. It was good to ride in an ambulance though, because I like ambulances. They are like transit vans that can go really fast and go through traffic lights when they aren't on green light or orange. When we got to the hospital the doctor asked me what had happened and I told him that I thought I had broken a bone and he said which one and I said my brother's leg bone. My dad wasn't very happy with me, but he just said that it showed that I like to do tackles and get stuck in and show committment to the cause and that.

Wayne Rooney got his broken bone in his foot injury because people said he wasn’t wearing the proper boots for doing and playing his football. This is dangerous and kids must be told that they should wear proper footballing boots at all times, apart from when they're not doing their football because it might ruin their mum and dad's carpet or scuff the floor at school. Wayne Rooney has this problem a lot because it has happened to him two times before. The second time it happened he made a full recovery because a Portugal player tried to sit in his foot to break it again, but he hurt himself instead.

This week we have had a midweek game, which is when you play your football not on a Saturday afternoon, sometime on Sunday or a Monday evening. You play it midweek under floodlights. We managed to not win the game, but we didn’t lose either so we had a draw. I didn’t manage to get on the scoresheet and knock one in, but nobody else did either, so that’s good for me. Hopefully I’ll get on the score sheet this weekend and get off of the mark.

The Opening Weekend

It was great at the weekend to play a proper game of football. Football is my life and everything I do revolves around putting on my kit and then putting on my boots. I love putting on my kit because it means that I’m about to play football, which is what I love. At training, we have to put on a training kit and a brightly coloured bib, so that the people on my team know that they’re allowed to pass the ball to me without getting a fine from gaffer.

The disappointing thing about the game at the weekend was that I didn’t manage to get on the score sheet and score a goal in the back of the net. I had a couple of chances but they were well organised at the back and tried to stifle the attack. They managed to stifle me and I’m in attack. Gaffer wasn’t too concerned that I didn’t knock one into the back of the net because it’s a long season and we won anyway and got ourselves the three points we needed.

Getting three points on the board straight up early doors is boss, because it means that you have three more points than you had at the start of the day and pushes us towards that all important UEFA Cup position. The UEFA Cup is top because it means that you can play the cream of abroad and go to some really glamorous places like Juventus, Hadjuk or Atletico.

Roxy loves it when we play a team from abroad, abroad in their own back yard, because it means she can go and shop until she drops with her bessy mate Tania. She always brings me back a souvenir like a key ring or a pencil with the name of the place on it. When it’s got its name on it, it means that it belongs to that place, like if I had a pencil with ‘David’ on it. If you buy the pencil with the name on it, it’s not stealing, so you can keep it yourself. I haven’t got a pencil with my name on it, but I have got a pencil. It says HB on it, but I’m not sure if it’s from HB.

We play another big game this week and it’s a must win game. There aren’t any easy games in the Premier League, apart from Watford last season. I hope I manage to get on the score sheet and knock one in the back of the net, because my agent, Greg, has got me a boss bonus deal for ever one I stick in the back of the net and get on the score sheet.

The New Season

Today in training gaffer came up to us and told me that I'm in the starting eleven for the big match tomorrow. I'm absolutely made up at this boss announcement, because it means I can concentrate on my football and let my football talking on the pitch.

Because I'm striker, it also means that I'll have the chance to bag a goal by sticking the ball in the back of the net and get us three points on the board.

I've been training hard all week and I said to gaffer the other day that I'd like to be in the starting line up come Saturday. I told him that this season I want to play in the middle, so I can do my best scoring because this is the position that suits me the best. He told me that this is where I would be playing because I'm a striker. It worked out good all round for me and for gaffer.

This week I've also sat down with my agent, Greg, and we've talked about how we want to talk about a new contract with my club. Talking about a new contract with my club is like when you buy yourself a new telly. You first of all have to think you'd like a new telly and then you have to talk about getting a new telly. Once you've decided which type of telly you want to get, you have to talk about it with the man at the telly shop and he tells you what kind you can get. This is like my new contract, only I'll be paid in money and not in a new telly. I can buy a new telly with the money from my new contract though.

Greg, my agent, is a really sound bloke. He only ever looks after my interests at heart. He also looks after my best mate Digsy and his team-mates: Woody, Thommo, Dubbers, Shanks, JH, Banjo, Ando, Degs and Bomber. He's also Roxy's agent too. He's trying to get her a job presenting things on my new telly.

I can't wait for the season to start. Getting changed in the dressing room gets me buzzing and it's great having some boss banter with the lads. It's boss. Hopefully we can get three points racked up by tomorrow and be pushing for a UEFA cup place come 5 o'clock.

On Tour With The Boys

During our tour of abroad, which is when we play our football not at our own ground, but not like an away match which is not abroad, apart from if we get into Europe, it gave me a chance to go on an aeroplane again.

I love flying, me. It's boss to be able to watch the telly and have something to eat whilst watching telly without it being on your knee. They give you these dead boss trays that are attached to the seat in front of you, apart from if there's no seat in front of you. I don't know where their trays are.

The food's great because you don't have to ask anyone to bring it for you; they just bring it to you and then they take it away if you aren't eating it any more because you've finished your dinner. Sometimes it's not your dinner. Sometimes it's breakfast or lunch or tea.

Some people are scared of flying, but I'm not. I think it's the business, especially if it's a long flight. When it's a long flight you take off in the day, have a night-time and then you land and it's still the day at home. The girls who work on aeroplanes are also top looking, dead classy and really, really friendly. I think that I would like to marry one if I wasn't going to marry Roxy, which I am because I asked her to marry me and she said yes, she would marry me. I got to abroad, dialled +44 and knocked the first 0 from our number and rang her. I don't know why they make you do that in abroad, because it's more numbers to remember, as well as the conversation that I want to have too.

Anyway, Roxy's made up that we're getting married and I am too. I don't know where or when we're going to get married, I'll let Roxy sort that one out. I'm just going to keep concentrating on my football and stick the ball in the back of the net and let my football do the talking.